1. |
||||
I’m in a bit of a downswing again
It’s happened before, but did I think that I was feeling better back then?
Every night I wonder am I feeling better am I feeling worse than I have ever felt before
Every morning nothing’s changed or
Everything is different once again but keeping track is such a chore
I’m in a bit of a downswing again
It’s happened before, but didn’t I think I was feeling better back then?
How can I remember where I’ve been?
Am I supposed to know exactly where I’m coming from and where I’m going
Can’t be sure if I’ve felt better or worse than I do right now, my doubt is surely showing
Numbers, charts, and ranking
Take measure while demons are flanking
I’ve got no right to be this scared
Track moods, symptoms, feelings
My still and quiet mind is reeling
In a world that’s crumbling, how well do you fare?
Every night I wonder is the world a little better is the world a little worse than it has been before?
Every morning nothing’s changed or everything is different once again but keeping track is such a chore
I always try to look on the bright side
[But there're all these shadows in the way](18963332)
I try to count the happy moments
Try not to let them slip away
They may
But they’ll be back again to play
I’m in a bit of a downswing again
It’s happened before, and it’ll happen some more, and more, but then
A ray of sunshine, something hopeful, something happy, something slightly less sour and more sweet
A thing to get me out of bed, to brighten up my head and give me a reason to move my feet
I think I might stop tracking
There’s just no use in cracking
A code that’ll never be broken
It doesn’t exist
Keep making revelations
Forget them overnight
And start again
But still we will persist
|
||||
2. |
Brace Yourself
03:47
|
|||
You've got a sign made with markers in twenty different colors
Into this beautiful sign you put sweat, heart, and soul
But there across the street, stands something that might be more powerful
A red hexagon on a sturdy gray pole
The cars, they slow
You want to know
Which sign are they looking at?
Which sign are they pausing for?
You’re trying so hard out here
Should you be doing more?
Which sign are they looking at?
Which sign are they pausing for?
You’re trying so hard out here
Don’t deserve to be ignored
You try to pour out a few more ice cubes
From the pitcher to the plastic red cups you brought out
Most of them scatter to the sidewalk below
And you’re left there, filled with regret and self-doubt
Rising hope, sinking heart
You’ve only made 85 cents, since the start
Which sign are they looking at?
Which sign are they pausing for?
You’re trying so hard out here
Should you be doing more?
Which sign are they looking at?
Which sign are they pausing for?
You’re trying so hard out here
Don’t deserve to be ignored
Your beautiful sign, keeps coming unstuck
It just isn’t fair to have such bad luck
When you return with more tape, it’s long gone
Curse the wind, and the cars, and the sun, and the lawn
You don’t know who’s melting faster
The ice cubes or you
You have something in common with the sky
Because both are so blue
More cars passing by, you wonder
Why, you wonder why, you wonder
Which sign are they looking at?
Which sign are they pausing for?
You’re trying so hard out here
Should you be doing more?
Which sign are they looking at?
Which sign are they pausing for?
You’re trying so hard out here
Don’t deserve to be ignored
A woman on a bike comes to a full stop right in front of you
She’s holding the sign, the one that had strayed
She smiles and returns the art to the artist
You brace yourself to be betrayed
Then you ask if she’d like lemonade
|
||||
3. |
Chapter
03:20
|
|||
I took a train, to Brunswick, Maine
To see the colors at their peak
Hit refresh on another week
I took a train. I sat alone
I tried to look out of the window
More than into my phone
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Falling asleep to the sound of the green line
Drowning my soul in peppermint tea
God knows I’ve got nearly everything that I could want for this chapter
It’s still not quite as happy as I think that it could be, should be
I cried in the shower
Shook up for the better part of an hour
When my new shampoo smelled like the berries that grew
In the yard of my childhood home
Turned out the lights
Sat on my windowsill, to watch the night
And make up stories
Falling asleep to the sound of the green line
Drowning my soul in peppermint tea
God knows I’ve got nearly everything that I could want for this chapter
It’s still not quite as happy as I think that it should
Be-e-e-e, e-e
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Too many moments too quiet
Too many feelings too loud
Too much change, and not enough growth
Or isn’t it the other way around?
I took a train, back to North Station
I wondered, should I have another go at meditation?
I took a train. I watched the sun set
I thought I saw a raccoon crossing a river
It was too fast and dark and far away to guarantee
I got a glimpse. Should I hold on to what I think I
See-e-e-e, e, e
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah ah
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
Ooh ooh ooh-ooh
|
||||
4. |
Demon in My Heart
04:42
|
|||
Something feels less than ideal
I feel more bitter than sweet
There’s some sort of demon trapped in my heart
He’s stealing my feelings to eat
I’ve tried to befriend him
We’ve tried to share
I’ve tried to ignore him
But he’s always there
I like to process feelings, but I need a break
I want a new muse, how many songs will you take?
So fucking needy, need my worries to survive
But if I try to starve you you’re just angrier and still alive
Something feels less than ideal
Deep down in my soul
Are you sucking the life from my veins?
Or am I just getting old?
I think I said “hi” the wrong way
I wish I could feel that that’s fine
Why does this matter so much to me?
I only judge mistakes when they’re mine
I like to process feelings, but I need a break
I want a new muse, how many songs will you take?
So fucking needy, need my worries to survive
But if I try to starve you you’re just angrier and still alive
Listen here, please take more naps
I’ll find you food, but just the scraps
You can’t have my feelings anymore
Don’t take what should be mine
Listen here, you’re not a baby anymore
So how come lately
You’ve been so dependent
Please find something else to do before I change my mind
I like to process feelings, but I need a break
I want a new muse, how many songs will you take?
So fucking needy, need my worries to survive
But if I try to starve you you’re just angrier and still alive
I know you feed on suffering, cuz that’s what seems to keep you growing
But surely you must eat some joy too, where else could mine be going?
I like to process feelings, but I need a break
I want a new muse, how many songs will you take?
So fucking needy, need my worries to survive
But if I try to starve you you’re just angrier and still alive
I like to process feelings, but I need a break
I want a new muse, how many songs will you take?
So fucking needy, need my worries to survive
But if I try to starve you you’re just angrier and still alive
Something feels less than ideal
I feel more bitter than sweet
There’s some sort of demon trapped in my heart
He’s stealing my feelings to eat
|
||||
5. |
Everybody's Somewhere
02:37
|
|||
Among the birds, she sits in the dirt
Trying to pretend that she isn't hurt
Sandwich in one hand, cigarette in the other
Just missed her flight, on the phone with her mother
Black jeans, red winter coat, green hair
The smoke gently wiggles up into the air
She gives into the pigeons and shares her meal
She wonders what it’s like to be a bird - how would it feel?
Do you wonder why? Do you wonder how?
Everybody’s somewhere right now
At a table, he sits with a chocolate scone
Sipping apple juice while his grown parents drone
Crumbs tumbling everywhere, and he doesn’t notice
Small water bottle is labeled as “Otis”
Across the room she holds a heavy door open
Getting impatient and letting the cold in
She snaps at her mother to hurry it up
Her mother’s refilling her ice water cup
Do you wonder why? Do you wonder how?
Everybody’s somewhere right now
Young arms around a two-year-old are covered in ink
She can’t help but worry what passersby think
But she’s a great mom, not too far from a saint
And her daughter likes to color in her tattoos with paint
Round orange glasses, and smaller than the other kids
Waddling down the streets of Boston
He wraps his arms tightly ‘round his body
Trying not to let the frost in
Do you wonder why? Do you wonder how?
Everybody’s somewhere right now
A waitress with dark braids in a yellow dress
Clearly friendly, clearly under unfair stress
Five colored pens in her apron pocket
Sticker-covered server notepad, silver heart-shaped locket
Old man in a poncho, taking his time
Every step makes this walk feel more like a climb
Life is uphill and it keeps getting steeper
So why have respect for the pedestrian gatekeeper?
Do you wonder why? Do you wonder how?
Everybody’s somewhere right now
Do you wonder why? Do you wonder how?
Everybody’s somewhere, everybody’s somewhere
Everybody’s somewhere right now
|
||||
6. |
From Your Room
04:00
|
|||
Eye contact has never been a strength of mine
So staring at the ground, I whisper it'll all be fine
My door says come inside, take off your smile
My floor says come and lie with me a while
Let your worries bind to threads of carpet
Get as low as you feel and find comfort in the match
A spark of joy, goes dancing ‘cross the ceiling
It bewilders walls that you never seem to catch
Go outside and walk your demons
Maybe that will wear them out
Trust no one but me and I say
Being alone is not what life’s about
Go outside and get some fresh air
Find a train and just go somewhere
Seek eye contact, follow through
You already know what to do, first step is think it from your room
Hide behind an introvert identity
When I’m never really sure the label’s mine
If I like people and I don’t feel better
When over half my moments are just mine
Tell myself I like the way I’m living
Tell myself I need to be alone
The alternative will only end in failure
Safer to get by on just the feelings in my phone
Go outside and walk your demons
Maybe that will wear them out
Trust no one but me and I say
Being alone is not what life’s about
Go outside and get some fresh air
Find a train and just go somewhere
Seek eye contact, follow through
You already know what to do, first step is think it from your room
If you never leave it could stop feeling like home (ah, ah, ah)
If you never leave, you might forget how to roam (ah, ah, ah)
I can’t keep saying I need space if I lack evidence
I can’t keep saying give me time, if I want present tense
So over and over again
The stamina of my excuses reaches its end
Go outside and walk your demons
Maybe that will wear them out
Trust no one but me and I say
Being alone is not what life’s about
Go outside and get some fresh air
Find a train and just go somewhere
Seek eye contact, follow through
You already know what to do, first step is think it from your room
|
||||
7. |
Good, How Are You?
02:55
|
|||
Hey, hi, how are you?
Good, how are you?
Good, good. Bye, see ya
Autopilot, wish I wasn’t like a violet
So delicate, so quiet
Hey, hi, how are you?
Kinda wish I really knew
But goodbye, see ya
Autopilot, wish I didn’t have to smile it
Tires me, it’s true
Autopilot, autopilot, autopilot, autopilot
Why is my default distance?
Following instinctual social resistance?
Why is my default ending conversation?
As if it’s just another obligation?
Nod and laugh, but not too much
Don’t touch your hair, don’t put a comma there
Don’t look, don’t look away
Till I forget what normal feels like
Be yourself, they say
But what if "me" is not authentic
As a person, what if hiding is my personality?
Hey, hi, how are you?
Good, how are you?
Good, good. Bye, see ya
A million times, and it always ends the same
Hey, hi, how are you?
Kinda wish I really knew
But goodbye, see ya
A million times, and I guess both parties are to blame
Kinda lame I’d claim
Maybe we should feel some shame
We’ve been trained to play a game
I know I’d rather feed a flame
But the motivation never came
So put us in the hall of fame
You might as well just frame our names
'Cause we’re the millionth pair to play the game
Hey, hi, how are you?
Good, how are you?
Good, good. Bye, see ya
I know what to do
To pass as normal
Is that something that you think I do?
Maybe none of this is true?
I have studied people’s words and actions
While I sit there still and quiet
Still sometimes I don’t know how to
Mimic what I see although I
Try, I should try, not to try
Maybe I just need to cry
But my eyes, they are dry, my soul is fried
I am blue, like the sky, so tell my
Why are my eyes dry?
Hey, hi, how are you?
Good, how are you?
Good, good. Bye, see ya
I don’t know what to say
What combination of the letters
And the symbols I have in my
Pocket make the most sense to combine today?
I don’t know what to do
I have these strategies that I don’t
Always know that I am using until I stop to think about it
Then I wonder what am I avoiding
It’s annoying fighting my own brain again
Do I think that this is making my life easier
Because I think I’ll think again
It’s so much work to care this much and
I don’t know how I can stop this
Round and round I rethink every
Message I receive and write about a hundred times
Hey, hi, how are you?
Good, how are you?
Good, good. Bye, see ya
Autopilot, wish I wasn’t like a violet
So delicate, so quiet
Every so often I meet someone who is so
Easy to talk to they make me think maybe I’ve
Gotten a glimpse of what this being human ordeal
Is supposed to look like
Every so often the rules disappear
I stop fearing the what if’s and
For a small stretch
I could swear that it all feels alright
Hey, hi, how are you?
Good, how are you?
Good, good. Bye, see ya
Autopilot, wish I wasn’t like a violet
So delicate, so quiet
Hey, hi, how are you?
Kinda wish I really knew
But goodbye, see ya
Autopilot, wish I didn’t have to smile it
Tires me, it’s true
Autopilot, autopilot, autopilot, autopilot
|
||||
8. |
Halloween
02:44
|
|||
I’m afraid of monsters
I’m afraid of you
I’m afraid I’ll die one day
But life, it scares me too
There’s so much to fear
There’s so much to do
There’s so little time
Can’t help but doubt that we’ll come through
Reclaim it as fun, for only one night
This time we won’t run, from all of the fright
We don’t have to fight, we can have tonight
We’ll trap our fear in TV screens
We’ll let it out on Halloween
Behind the masks, real monsters wait
To this costume party, don’t be late
Pass out candy to all of your family neighbors friends
Stay up all night so the day doesn’t have to end
|
||||
9. |
Ink
01:18
|
|||
Get this marker off my skin
'Cause I want something stronger
Works like a charm for doodles on my arm
But I want something longer
I endorse endorphins, maybe that is all
It takes for ink to be a thing for which I fall
Adrenaline, control, relief, addiction?
Permanence, expression, financial affliction?
The draw, worthy of awe, is quite intoxicating, calculating
Count your money, gather your ideas, and stop your waiting
Is it a simple joy, a toy, a thing that entertains?
Or does the instinct run like blood as far within as veins?
Might not be healthy coping, but it’s certainly a mechanism
Does it come from cynicism, hedonism, mesmerism?
I want a thing - or two or three -
That lasts as long as skin upon my bones
So what if all it is is a way to fight or stall against unknowns?
All I know is it’s not something I want to debate
We’re all walking works of art, but if I want to change a trait
If anything in this world is mine to do with as I please
My body’s surely on that list so try to be at ease
|
||||
10. |
Jack Willing
01:09
|
|||
Bone-chilling, Jack willing, let's make this a game
Count our steps or go find cocoa, Frost is who we'll blame
I like winter, I like snow, but I draw the line at freezing
Slippery streets and ice-cold skin, it's far less than appeasing
I close my window, nonetheless the cold gets in
Last night I slept in my winter coat
At least it's something that unites us
A thousand cold pink noses in the same boat
Bone-chilling, Jack willing, let's make this a game
(I like winter, I like snow, but I draw the line at freezing)
(I close my window, nonetheless the cold gets in)
Count our steps or go find cocoa, Frost is who we'll blame
(Slippery streets and ice-cold skin, it's far less than appeasing)
(Last night I slept in my winter coat)
Bone-chilling, Jack willing, let's make this a game
(I like winter, I like snow, but I draw the line at freezing)
(At least it's something that unites us)
Count our steps or go find cocoa, Frost is who we'll blame
(Slippery streets and ice-cold skin, it's far less than appeasing)
(A thousand cold pink noses in the same boat)
Bone-chilling, Jack willing, let's make this a game
Count our steps or go find cocoa, Frost is who we'll blame
|
||||
11. |
Know How
02:33
|
|||
Washing shot glasses in the boys’ bathroom
The apple juice is ready to be poured
Cover up the windows, put up all the lights
The details are not to be ignored
I feel like a child and I feel like a grown-up
Lights, camera, action, and it’s time to put my phone up
Always in the moment 'cause where else is there to be?
It feels like home and I feel like me
Maybe we’re just playing a game right now
But we’re playing it pretty damn well, I don’t know how
This will go or where I’ll be
In a few years, please hire me
I’ll be a script supervisor, writer, stand-in, A.D.,
P.A., D.P., gaffer, grip, 1st A.C.,
I will learn anything
Just let me in the room please
I’d have a ball being the fly on the wall if you’ll let me
I just wanna see the other side of the door
I’d have a great time bringing you coffee if you’ll let me
And as I gain confidence, one day I’ll more want more
Coffee in my bloodstream, a binder in my lap, and
People all around, and a pen in my hand
In the middle of the forest, leaning on a tree
Sitting in the hall outside of 8th floor Tufte
Moving chairs, problem-solving, painting cardboard
Faking street lamps, coiling up cords
Quiet in a corner in a crowded living room
Looking over lines as I wait for filming to resume
I feel like a child and I feel like a grown-up
Lights, camera, action and it’s time to put my phone up
Always in the moment 'cause where else is there to be?
It feels like home and I feel like me
Maybe we’re just playing a game right now
But we’re playing it pretty damn well, I don’t know how
This will go or where I’ll be
In twenty years
Professors say 2 percent will make it
We’ve all got fears
Maybe we’re just playing a game right now
But we’re playing it pretty damn well, I don’t know how
This will go
I don’t know where we’ll be
|
||||
12. |
Laundry on The Bed
02:27
|
|||
Clean laundry on the bed
Made a promise to myself in my head
I won’t sleep till it’s all put away
I won’t leave it for another day
So I think I’ll be up for a while
Cuz laundry’s feeling like sprinting a mile
I’ve made it this far
Went downstairs where the machines are
I returned not once but twice
Even managed not to see any mice
Made it on time so my clothes weren’t thrown to the floor
While I waited I even did some other chores
So why now, is there
Clean laundry on the bed
Made a promise to myself in my head
I won’t sleep till it’s all put away
I won’t leave it for another day
So I think I’ll be up for a while
Cuz laundry’s feeling like sprinting a mile
I’ve made it this far
Went downstairs where the machines are
Made eye contact with two strangers
Managed to only feel a bit in danger
Dared to leave my basket in the laundry room
Didn’t get stolen this time, so why now can’t I resume?
Clean laundry on the bed
Made a promise to myself in my head
I won’t sleep till it’s all put away
I won’t leave it for another day
So I think I’ll be up for a while
Cuz laundry’s feeling like sprinting a mile
Turn the music up, open the windows
Think about how nice it’ll be to wear these clothes
Turn the music up, and sing along
Start with what feels easy, hope you know that you are strong
Clean laundry on the bed
Made a promise to myself in my head
I won’t sleep till it’s all put away
I won’t leave it for another day
|
||||
13. |
Magic
02:58
|
|||
The days of candy canes in cocoa quickly coming to a close
I can’t prevent the crumbling clarity of memories
In early years the magic seemed to always be around
And now I find I have to squint to see so I say please
Let me save the photos forever
Isn’t that the least you can do?
Let me take pictures in my head and then review them before bed
I don’t know who I’m talking to, all I know is I’m begging you
Nobody knows where time goes when it leaves us all behind
Would following turn us backward, is it possible to climb
Into the moments that we want to keep in mind, defined
Or would we end up upside down all turned around in time?
Let me save the photos forever
Isn’t that the least you can do?
Let me take pictures in my head and then review them before bed
I don’t know who I’m talking to, all I know is I’m begging you
In due time, in no time, we’ll see…
Why I’m depressed and stressed, I’ve lost my zest
At best it’s hard to just get dressed, and
Laundry feels like it’s a quest, or a test
I’m failing with a demon as my guest, lest I rest
Don’t mean to suggest that I’m not blessed
But can I please just request, less of a pest inside my chest?
Have my inner demons feasted on my inner child, maybe?
Send a rescue party, if your cynicism scares you baby
If she has to die, well at least she will have eight more lives
She always knew she was part cat, so I think she’ll survive
Have I become the sucker who simply can’t hear the bells?
‘Cause fear and grief and loneliness have cast all sorts of spells?
How dare I be the grown-up that I swore to never be!
Fake it ‘till you make it? Think I’ll make a cup of tea
Let me save the photos forever
Isn’t that the least you can do?
Let me take pictures in my head and then review them before bed
I don’t know who I’m talking to, all I know is I’m begging you
I’m fine! I swear! Just need some air
Not sure if this is a complaint or a prayer
But I would like some magic back
Can someone bring that in a sac?
|
||||
14. |
No Choice
02:27
|
|||
Spreading on pavement and into the ground
Drowning the spiders, and drowning out sound
Do you want to join me and dance in the rain?
Fuzzing the hard lines of everything in sight
Softening every surface with all of their might
Do you think this could wash away our pain?
Falling, falling
No choice but to be cold instead of warm
Falling, falling
No choice but to add to the storm
Hitting people and places and things
Birds hide to wait for their next chance to sing
How does it feel to wait in the clouds for your turn to fall?
Hitting windows and fences and trees
Making rainbows and killing brave bees
How does it feel to tumble downward, hit the ground, do they feel at all?
Do they feel it all?
Falling, falling
No choice but to be cold instead of warm
Falling, falling
No choice but to add to the storm
|
||||
15. |
Orbit
03:26
|
|||
I would like to join this orbit
But I am stopped by fear
I would like to join this orbit
But would you want me near?
I can feel your gravity
And it’s rather inviting
I can feel your gravity
And I’d like to stop fighting
I admire the stars in your galaxy
Do you think there’s room for me?
Can I tag along I could be
A moon on planet number 3?
I would like to join this orbit
But I am stopped by fear
I would like to join this orbit
But would you want me near?
I can feel your gravity
And it’s rather exciting
I can feel your gravity
And I’d like to stop fighting
I admire the stars in your galaxy
Do you think there’s room for me?
Can I tag along I could be
A moon on planet number 3?
I promise not to slow your pace
I promise I won’t take much space
I admire the stars in your galaxy
Do you think there’s room for me?
Can I tag along I could be
A moon on planet number 3?
I would like to join this orbit
But I am stopped by fear
I would like to join this orbit
But would you want me near?
I can feel your gravity
And it’s rather inviting
I can feel your gravity
And I’d like to stop fighting
|
||||
16. |
Peach Tree
02:33
|
|||
We'd watch for the right size and color
But I think that our peach tree was cursed
Because all of the squirrels, and birds, and bugs
Wouldn't wait as long, so they'd get there first
If you wait too long for a thing to be ripe
Then just before you know it, it’s spoiled
If you wait too long for your turn to bite
Then your perfect plan will be foiled
Go outside, take what’s there
It can be yours, even the squirrels will share
Go outside, take a bite
You will never taste anything perfect, try as you might
We'd watch for the right size and color
But I think our peach tree was cursed
Because all of the squirrels, and birds, and bugs
Wouldn't wait as long, so they'd get there first
If you wait too long for a thing to be ripe
Then just before you know it, it’s spoiled
If you wait too long for your turn to bite
Then your perfect plan will be foiled
Don’t be too picky, in the pursuit of picking peaches
That’s what the story of the poor peach tree teaches
Don’t be too picky, in the pursuit of picking peaches
That’s what the story of the poor peach tree teaches
We'd watch for the right size and color
But I think that our peach tree was cursed
Because all of the squirrels, and birds, and bugs
Wouldn't wait as long, so they'd get there first
|
||||
17. |
Quickly
02:33
|
|||
Handful of almonds from the jar upon my desktop
To stall my hunger just until I’m ready to stop
I know it’s time to relocate to the dining hall
But this simple snack allows me to ignore the call
Just need to finish one more thing, or maybe I will do it all
Real quickly (Who needs lunch?)
Real quickly (I know I do)
Real quickly (Almost done)
In the end no one will have won
When it comes to the speed that we’re all moving at
I wish I could be more like a cat
The passion is there, but they don’t give a care
About being on time
When it comes to the speed that we’re all moving at
I wish we could all be, more like cats
Are they deeply in the moment, or far away in space?
Either way they know it’s not a race
I’m getting sick of making all of these to-do lists
I know we’ve got to get stuff done, I know we must persist
But I can’t help but think of all the things we must have missed
And when I do, I gotta say, I get a little pissed
Why’s it so hard for work and play to coexist, we move
Real quickly (It’s never over)
Real quickly (It’s not fair)
Real quickly (Keep on moving)
In the end, will we really care?
|
||||
18. |
Rainbow She Made
02:34
|
|||
Small fingers are covered in colors
Dusty and light, but nonetheless bright
She pats the cement
And a smoke-like blur of colorful dust takes flight
Scraping gentle arches with pieces of chalk on her driveway
She hopes it won’t rain
Red orange yellow, green blue purple
In awe of the rainbow she made
She stares at the sky, and wonders why
Can’t we skip the storm to get to the good part?
Must the good things, with the bad, be washed away?
Is the rain really needed for a fresh start?
Does the sky ever have to be gray?
She knows in her heart, that if the art
Is never cleared away
Her drawings will spread, she knows in her head
She’ll run out of space one day
Besides, the rain’s the reason every tree around her grew
Maybe old things must make way for the new
Maybe every single color’s indebted to blue
She stares at the the sky, thinking of why
We can’t skip the storm to get to the good part
And the good things, with the bad, must be washed away
And rain is really needed for a fresh start
At times the sky will have to be gray
Small fingers are covered in colors
Dusty and light, but nonetheless bright
She pats the cement
And a smoke-like blur of colorful dust takes flight
Scraping gentle arches with pieces of chalk on her driveway
She hopes it will rain
So the sky can lift up her art
And show the whole world the rainbow she made
|
||||
19. |
Sensitive Nature
03:07
|
|||
You wanted my goat and you got it but don’t be surprised if it bites
Forgive me if I’m not ashamed of my sensitive nature
You wanted to stir the pot, you stirred too hard and it burned you
Forgive me if I’m not the one to apologize first
Cuz I think you just got exactly what you wanted
Why now are ya so upset?
I think you just got exactly what was coming
Not my fault we’re both a mess
How did you want this to go. Oh
What did you want me to say? Hey
I’ve lost all my patience this year
You caught me at a bad time, on the wrong day, on the wrong day
You poked a monster and you were surprised when it looked you in the eye
Guess you thought it’d be funny to jump around starting these fires
You certainly love a good lecture, you give but you’re not much of a taker
And what was the best case scenario, make us both liars?
I’m sorry you’re not sorry about the stupid thing you said
I’m sorry that I’m angry, did you really expect to end up ahead?
Well I think you just got exactly what you wanted
Why now are ya so upset?
I think you just got exactly what was coming
Not my fault we’re both a mess
How did you want this to go
What did you want me to say?
I’ve lost all my patience this year
You caught me at a bad time, on the wrong day, on the wrong day
You can get a rise out of me, if that’s what you want to do
Thick skin isn’t helpful when half the threats come from inside of you
I think you just got exactly what you wanted
Why now are ya so upset?
I think you just got exactly what was coming
Not my fault we’re both a mess
How did you want this to go
What did you want me to say?
I’ve lost all my patience this year
You caught me at a bad time, on the wrong day, on the wrong day
In the wrong year, on the wrong planet
I think you just got exactly what you wanted
Why now are ya so upset?
I think you just got exactly what was coming
Not my fault we’re both a mess
I think you just got exactly what you wanted
Why now are ya so upset?
I think you just got exactly what was coming
Not my fault we’re both a mess
I think you just got exactly what you wanted
Why now are ya so upset?
I think you just got exactly what was coming
Not my fault we’re both a mess
|
||||
20. |
Tiptoe
01:57
|
|||
Tiptoe. Tiptoe
Are you doing it too?
Tiptoe. Tiptoe
I’ve known a while that I am a mouse
Are you?
Join me in my stealthy endeavor
I’ve got hiding places, boy do I ever
Join me and we’ll be alone together
Can you be soft and still and quiet as a feather?
I’ll go anywhere quiet to put my nerves at ease
To successfully hide from a cat, you can’t so much as sneeze
Tiptoe. Tiptoe
Are you doing it too?
Tiptoe. Tiptoe
I’ve known a while that I am a mouse
Are you?
I prefer to avoid the chase
I prefer to avoid the whole human race
But that’s a lie because sometimes I like to show my face
If I need a piece of cheese or if I am feeling called to outer space
I’ll go anywhere quiet to put my nerves at ease
To successfully hide from a cat, you can’t so much as sneeze
Tiptoe. Tiptoe
Are you doing it too?
Tiptoe. Tiptoe
I’ve known a while that I am a mouse
Are you?
|
||||
21. |
Undeveloped Tendencies
00:50
|
|||
Undeveloped tendencies
I string along dependencies
Please ignore discrepancies
I haven’t got all day
To explain the person that I am
In case somebody gives a damn
Maybe all I am’s a sham
But who among us isn’t gray?
Undeveloped tendencies
I string along dependencies
Please ignore discrepancies
I haven’t got all day
To explain the person that I am
In case somebody gives a damn
Maybe all I am’s a sham
But who among us isn’t gray?
|
||||
22. |
Venture
03:17
|
|||
How far will candy take me?
What if the movies make me?
How come I still feel lost at home?
The joy of little things
Coffee cups and ukulele strings
Why do I lean on things I own?
Imagination gets me by, it always has, does, could
Friends, foes, partners being real, would that even be good?
I’m always up for making drastic changes just for fun
And still I feel my chances slip from slight to slim to none
Every time I think I’ll try
The venture always ends with
Why (why, why)
And then I cry
And when my eyes dry
I’ll start back at the beginning and I’ll think “maybe I’ll try.”
I keep my eye out for a way
To stop this spiral in its tracks today
I’m tired of the ride
If love means pain then maybe I
Don’t want it anyway
I don’t think I’d take heartbreak in stride
Imagination gets me by, it always has, does, could
Friends, foes, partners being real, would that even be good?
I’m always up for making drastic changes just for fun
And still I feel my chances slip from slight to slim to none
Every time I think I’ll try
The venture always ends with
Why (why, why)
Mmm, mmm, mmm
I need instructions
I need to wake up
Maybe I should just be wearing more makeup (wearing more makeup)
Does it take hours (hours)
Days months years (days months years)
To call someone a friend, I fear
I’ve been defining relationships all wrong
Imagination gets me by, it always has, does, could
Friends, foes, partners being real, would that even be good?
I’m always up for making drastic changes just for fun
And still I feel my chances slip from slight to slim to none
If I want to feel the world, why can’t I get out of bed?
Maybe I am better off in my head (head, head)
Mmm, mmm, mmm
Mmmm
|
||||
23. |
Wavelength
01:57
|
|||
Your energy’s compelling, and I mix up all our words
If those around are humans, then the two of us are birds
Something here feels different, and I can’t quite place just why
All I know is this strange feeling that someone’s joined me in my sky
We’re on the same wavelength (wave, length)
I can’t explain it but please stick around (please stick around)
Wavelength (wave, length)
I can’t explain it but please
I see you and you see me, we hear the other’s voice
This is how communication would be all the time if we had the choice
Everyone lives lives in different worlds
Don’t tell me that’s not tragic
So though this may just last a moment
For the moment, it’s close to magic
We’re on the same wavelength (wave, length)
I can’t explain it but please stick around (please stick around)
Wavelength (wave, length)
I can’t explain it but please
|
||||
24. |
Xenogamy
03:17
|
|||
She’s never heard this word before, and that gives her a scare
It wasn’t on her study list, and that just seems unfair
But there’s also something less unpleasant settling in her mind
A sense of righteous apathy, relief of a certain kind
She’ll either get it right or not, she only has to try
"Definition please?" She asks, and a powerful voice replies…
"Fertilization by cross-pollination
Especially between flowers on different plants."
She thinks, "That doesn’t help me, it never does."
She sighs and gives the ceiling a glance
Was it really worth the flashcards, the hours of memorization?
Do types of words nobody needs, deserve so much dedication?
Realizing, maybe I am only here ‘cuz some fool wants a song to start with X
For a moment she just stands there, twiddling her thumbs, thinking of flower sex
This spelling bee is just a flower, one small stop for a bee like me
X-E-N-O-G-A-M-E
This man behind the table, even he has to have checked
He makes a face, and then he says, "I’m sorry but that’s incorrect."
Dad’s smile drops, as does mom’s hand, her phone no longer filming
Excitedly their daughter skips away, decidedly leaving the building
|
||||
25. |
Your Head at Night
03:48
|
|||
I must admit
The night sky’s like a puzzle
And I think that my piece fits
I’ve gotta say
I just can’t imagine
Belonging to the day
But maybe that’s okay
There are times when life moves a bit too fast
And it’s harder to make moments last
And the days just blur together
It feels like the blur will go on for forever
There are times when food doesn’t taste as good
And it’s harder to feel understood
And the colors aren’t as bright
And the easiest part of the day is the night
When everything is a bit too much
And the world is a bit too bright
There’s always the night
There’s always the night
There’s always the night
When the dark and quiet is not enough
And again you feel alright
There’s always the light
There’s always the light
There’s always the light
I used to hate going to bed
I used to always fight the dread
I wonder what that girl would say
If I told her I’m not sure that I still prefer the day
She’d say, "I see hope in your eyes
Do you think hope is fear in disguise?
Do you still write lullabies
In your head at night, for the butterflies?”
She’d say, “Do you think you’ve grown wise?
Do you think this is new, are you just full of lies?
Do you still write lullabies
In the dead of night, for the butterflies?”
When everything is a bit too much
And the world is a bit too bright
There’s always the night
There’s always the night
There’s always the night
When the dark and quiet is not enough
And again you feel alright
There’s always the light
There’s always the light
There’s always the light
She’d say, “So what it’s a demon now
So what that it’s blue?
Always gotta be something with you
It started with glue.”
Remember the day, that we used to say
"The glue is what holds you together my dear
Without it you’re free but there’s also the fear
You’ll fall apart quickly and lose everything that you are
The glue’s a familiar misery mystery
All that I want is for it to be hist’ry but
I don’t know how because that’s what has got me this far
Cover it with bitter glitter
Dye it colors, don’t be a quitter
We’ll make something beautiful yet
…out of this sticky mess.”
Make a metaphor, if you don’t have the words
Turn your feelings into glue or sky or birds
Just follow what makes the most sense
It’s as good as any other defense
Nothing feels quite right, nothing lasts too long
But the cycle does give ample inspiration for songs
When everything is a bit too much
And the world is a bit too bright
There’s always the night
There’s always the night
There’s always the night
When the dark and quiet is not enough
And again you feel alright
There’s always the light
There’s always the light
There’s always the light
|
||||
26. |
Zoetic
04:28
|
|||
Have you ever been blown away?
By something you see every day?
And you don’t expect it but you don’t correct it
'Cause you want that feeling to stay
You can’t force feeling caught up in awe
You can’t force seeing beauty in a flaw
So when it comes let it, don’t delete, rewrite, or edit
Don’t refuse to let your frozen heart thaw
Little things can carry you through all your biggest feelings
When you find yourself resistant to looking at anything but your ceiling
Let a TV show be what makes you care to know about what happens next
In being alive, let a cup of tea be what makes you feel anything other than vexed
The other day I was walking alone at night
And I felt something other than the logical fright
This freezing cold breeze cuts right through to the bone
Sharing it with strangers makes me feel less alone
There are people I can’t help but like
Every once in a while, my soul levels will spike
Who knows if it’s mutual, that seems unusual
I don’t know why I never say something when someone feels right
And tonight, I may waste some more time
(Tug at your clothes and your hair)
And tomorrow I might do the same
(As though gravity is shifting)
My hope is that soon I’ll stop trying to learn the rules
(Do you care?)
And start actually playing this game
(Something inside you is lifting)
Little things can carry you through all your biggest feelings
When you find yourself resistant to looking at anything but your ceiling
Let a TV show be what makes you care to know about what happens next
In being alive, let a cup of tea be what makes you feel anything other than vexed
Maybe I need to put my mask on first
I’m still becoming, being alone isn’t the worst
But healthier me, and I think she’d agree
Isn’t something that can be rehearsed
I’d like to live life knowing that I have flown
I’m starting to think I can’t do that alone
Because I don’t want to, and I don’t wish to daunt you
All I’m asking for is more wind in my bones
|
||||
27. |
Brace Yourself - Demo
02:42
|
|||
28. |
Demon in My Heart - Demo
03:06
|
|||
29. |
From Your Room - Demo
02:53
|
|||
30. |
Good, How Are You - Demo
02:43
|
|||
31. |
Halloween - Demo
01:41
|
|||
32. |
No Choice - Demo
02:22
|
|||
33. |
Orbit - Demo
04:00
|
|||
34. |
Peach Tree - Demo
01:45
|
|||
35. |
Rainbow She Made - Demo
01:25
|
|||
36. |
Sensitive Nature - Demo
02:39
|
|||
37. |
Venture - Demo
02:03
|
|||
38. |
Wavelength - Demo
01:02
|
|||
39. |
||||
40. |
Zoetic - Demo
03:10
|
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