1. |
welcome!
02:37
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Is that fan coming from in here? What is that noise?
I'm gonna grab a charger for my phone, because - because I want to, in case I need it.
Okay, I have everything that I need.
Shadows...
I decided instead of singing, I'm going to do a shadow puppet show.
Now that doesn't help us - there's too much light in this light.
I'm really sorry I've gotten very distracted. Is it better lighting with my main light off? Actually? I don't know. I don't know. But what I do now is that it doesn't really matter that much.
And I'm ready to begin. Piano's usually in the living room. I put it in here for today. Also I could plug in my - oh, piano's not plugged in, computer isn't plugged in. I thought I was prepared. But maybe I'm not.
Um...is everything look good enough? Good. We did it we're here. I'm gonna move this. I don't remember also where I put like, the chat and stuff. That's my album.
This is the album cover. This is a picture of me that my little brother took at an apple orchard. Orch - do we say the "ch?" I was gonna say Or-curd. This is my merch. This is also my merch. Hooray.
So those are, those are my informational things. I'm gonna start now. I'm gonna try not to talk too much so that I can get more in the zone.
Cuz I think sometimes when I talk, sometimes it's good, but sometimes it makes it harder.
We're ready to go. And I think the mic's good. I think, I feel like I'm forgetting stuff but I'm not.
I'm really, really not. And if I am that's okay too. I'm gonna take a sip of water and then I'm going to sing my first song of the album which is called Scrambling.
Album comes out tonight at midnight. Very exciting. Very, very exciting. Now is not the time to be looking at TikTok comments. Why did you even look at your phone? Um, I'm putting this far away from me.
And putting that - Okay, we're ready. We're ready to go. This is called Scrambling.
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2. |
Scrambling (Live)
02:28
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Tell me again about what’s left to do
List after list, oh you keep ‘em on loop
Tell me again about how I’m behind
Scrambling, never on top of my mind
Fast-forward, rewind
See what we might find
I have plenty of proof
Basement floor to the roof
I’ll fill this house with moments
I have plenty to do
Like talking to you
Or talking to me, but even that’s getting
A little bit harder
I’ll try to be smarter
Almost stepped on a garter
And it forced me to breathe
Why did that feel new?
Why did that feel like
Something I’d never thought to-
Why did that feel new?
Why did that feel like
Something I’d never thought to do
I’m getting tired
I’m feeling stuck
I’m uninspired
Have I run out of my luck?
You hate everything I write
You keep me up too late at night
You watch me close, please let me be
Who is you and who is me?
You never let me just relax
Always something that attacks
You replay everything I do
Who is me and who is you?
I can’t stand you
I can handle you
Can’t do it
Don’t want to sort through it
I am tired
Of the way I’m wired
Love you? I will learn to do it
Tell me again about what’s left to do
List after list, oh you keep ‘em on loop
Tell me again about how I’m behind
Scrambling, never on top of my
Mind, mind
Mind, mind
Mind, mind
Never on top of my, never on top of my mind
Never on top of my, never on top of my mind
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3. |
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Good. Good. Done. Um... this is "When to Run." I have this one memorized. So there's nothing on this. Just a reminder to not skip it. Which means - we're gonna see if I still have it memorized when I'm on the spot. We're gonna find out.
Oops. How does it go? Oh I'm still doing the rhythm of Scrambling.
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4. |
When to Run (Live)
02:33
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The back porch is softer than my bed
'Cause it hasn’t seen the times I’ve cried
I keep ‘em all there filed away in my head
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again
On bad days it’s like a poison, it destroys and
Stains every place I’ve ever called my home
And I just wanna run away
I wanna run toward something new
I wanna run away
I wanna run, I wanna run, I wanna run
But how do I know when I’m done?
How do I know, how do I know
How do I know when to run
Wherever I go, I always know
All that will follow, but give me a chance
To simply set today apart from tomorrow
Will I ever stop stopping to wonder
If I savor lightning far too quick
Burn through what’s bright
Before I’ve even heard the thunder
And I just wanna run away
I wanna run toward something new
I wanna run away
I wanna run, I wanna run, I wanna run
But how do I know when I’m done
How do I know
How do I know, how do I know when to run
I bought a cake, it’s no one’s birthday
And now my mouth is blue
I feel the sugar coursing through
I didn’t know what else to do
But I’ll trade coffee for water
It’ll last about a week
I’ll rinse two new tattoos
For fifteen minutes at the kitchen sink
And I will find a way
To make it back to where I’ve been before
And I will try today
To open 'stead of closing every door
And I will find a way
To tell myself that I’ve been there before
And I will try today
To open 'stead of closing every door
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5. |
good enough
00:59
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Good enough. Thank you. Thank you for the beach ball. Um, okay. Next one, Tryouts. I did this one on like a practice livestream. And I did it with this - and I don't think that I will today, but...it's kind of fun. It's kind of fun. But I think, but I think I won't. But I think I won't. But maybe I will at the end. Stop.
I clicked it twice, but I don't think it - alright. Um, yeah, maybe I'll - maybe I'll do it at the end because it's it is pretty it is pretty fun to play it like that.
Yeah, I'm gonna put my leg up because it wants to be up. And we want to do kind of like a cross-legged thing. I don't know what's going on but we're gonna roll with it. I'm gonna turn this up a little.
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6. |
Tryouts (Live)
03:29
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Drawn to the flame like a moth
Even when it grew cold, even when I had doubts
I thought we were cut from the same cloth
I thought we were teammates, turns out I never even made it past tryouts
I always suspect that I won’t make the cut
Broke the habit of running far from the fear
I kept all the evidence on loop in my head
That I’d earned a spot, but I should’ve been preppin’ instead
I tried to make it easy for you to play a part
I tried to make it difficult for you to break my heart
You made it look so easy, made it look so easy, was it easy for you?
You made it look so easy, made it look so easy, was it easy for you?
I warned you in June
I warned you in June
If I could ask myself at thirteen
She would remind me
This is why you don’t try
This will happen every time
Every nice thing is a lie
Only say hello if you’re prepared to say goodbye
I tried to make it easy to let me play a part
I tried to make it difficult for you to break my heart
But I made it so
Easy, it was so easy, it was so easy, it was
So easy, it was so easy, it was so easy
It was so easy, it was so easy, it was so
Easy, it was so easy, it was so easy, it was
Whoa it was so easy
Whoa it was so easy
Whoa you could almost do it by mistake
I wish I hadn’t made myself so easy to break
Why’d I make it so
Easy, it was so easy, it was so easy, it was
So easy, it was so easy, it was so easy
It was so easy, it was so easy, it was so
Easy, it was so easy, it was so easy
Give me a sign that at some point you cared about me
In my dreams I accept your apology
Felt understood but now I feel disposable
Thought something clicked but I guess it’s supposable
It was so easy, it was so easy, it was so
Easy, it was so easy, it was so easy, it was
So easy it was so easy, it was so easy
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7. |
thanks for your patience
03:12
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Um that's the one where when I, when I play it live. Knocked out the the computer charger but I think it's fine. Um, that's the one that I missed the rest of the song the most. The rest of the instruments. Several hungry rats. That is such a good username. That is such an honor. Oh my god. Several hungry rats liked my song. That's beautiful. Okay. Um, yeah. So because I break glass and I light matches and there's cool sound, sound stuff and yeah so that's that.
Um I'm gonna move this up a little because then I can cover up this little thing that totally was not my fault at all, it was just like that when we got here. Oh there's another one, there we go. Oh my goodness I gotta get in the zone. I could put these on but I don't know if I should.
Yeah
This'll be good in case I start crying at some point but I think I, I think I'm doing pretty good. Do I actually wear? Yeah I'm gonna actually wear these. Oh, piano didn't work because I unplugged it by accident along with my thing. Come back on. Okay. Here we go
Is it greedy...
Oh. That's what I did. Sorry I forgot. All right, here we go. For reals this time. Maybe. I'm gonna move this. Okay. Ready? I bet you probably are. I bet you're very - I bet you're very ready. I'm gonna take another sip of water since I remembered that it existed.
When I have the urge to take a sip of water I gotta do it because I very rarely have the urge to take a sip of water. So it's important when I when I get in the mood to drink some yeah.
Okay, we're gonna, yeah. I can't keep even saying that we're gonna start because you're going to stop believing me so I'm just gonna do it instead.
Is it greedy...
Except I have to remember to sing that part. As well as play on the piano. Hmmm... Let's try that again. I think I'm really funny. I'm not doing this on purpose though, it's just how I am. But I think how I am is really funny. That makes it better. Makes it easier to be me.
Is it greedy, to seek the sun's rays...
Man, why am I not - I practiced this earlier and it was fine. I'm just gonna play, I'm just gonna you know I'm gonna play those chords. I'm gonna just play the chords at that part. It's gonna be fine. I'm sorry. Sorry about this.
Thanks for your patience with my personality. I really appreciate it.
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8. |
Greedy (Live)
02:36
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Is it greedy, to seek the sun’s rays
To ask for what I know will help me grow
Is it needy, to ask for water?
To let it seep into my roots below the ground
Where I will be too one day
I will be too
Where I will be too one day
Did I earn my life?
I don’t think so
So how do I make it up to the sun?
Did I earn my life?
I don’t think so
So how do I make sure that taking isn’t all I’ve done?
Ooh ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
I can’t escape the warmth I’ve found but still I try
I fight every inch that I gain, I don’t know why
No choice but to accept the warmth from up above
No choice but to accept the compounding agent of love
Did I earn my life?
I don’t think so
So how do I make it up to the sun?
Did I earn my life?
I don’t think so
So how do I make sure that taking isn’t all I’ve done?
Ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh ooh
Am I a flower or a weed? I need to know
Was I planted like a seed? It takes greed to grow
But it doesn’t take greed to shrivel
To be stepped on when you’re not adequately civil
Whatever gave me life is gonna take it
So I guess it’s all even in the end
And I suppose my life is what I make it
Is the universe even really my friend?
Will I earn my death?
I don’t think so
Maybe I am not indebted to the sun
Will I earn my death?
I don’t think so
So how do I make sure that giving isn’t all I’ve done?
Ooh ooh ooh, ooh ooh ooh
Until I’m plucked from the ground I guess I’ll be greedy
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9. |
the silly bug
00:57
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Okay. We did it. We did it. We're good. I'm taking these off because I think it messes up my, my um, my vibe, because I just can see a little better without them because it darkens things a little bit. I don't know. No, I need to not catch the silly bug this early into into the thing. Oh, I didn't practice using the guitar here.
This is really annoying, but I do think I might need to reference this, so. No, you know what? Put it here. I'll put it I'll put it here. There we go. That way you can see the guitar. It bothers me that I can't see the chat on the screen. For posterity. But I added it and I tried to troubleshoot it, didn't - didn't work. Wow. Lights
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10. |
Re-Quieted (Live)
03:11
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Conflicting goals and desires
I wanna start fires, but I only feel ice
Will it only be me who pays a price
If you decide that you regret being nice?
Please don’t let me end each conversation
With "I’d better let you go" (I'd better let you go)
Was I wrong to work so hard to brush it off
Each time you told me no? (You told me no)
I work to maintain, I minimize pain, I wanna be easy to choose
It wasn’t a game, but somehow I trusted you not to let me lose
'Cause I told you “please tell me if I ever push"
You promised, you said you didn’t want me to shush
You’ve clearly forgotten if you thought I’d take a hint
All the best and worst parts of my year carry your fingerprints
Conflicting goals and desires
I wanna start fires, but I only feel ice
Will it only be me who pays a price
If you decide that you regret being nice?
When you left me there to tend a tiny thing we planted side by side
I wished my thumb was green, it never was, and you knew that it was not
So I wish you’d told me sooner that you wanted me to let it die
Instead of slinking out of earshot, and thinking out of earshot
I overindulge, I overreact, I overthink everything, over-redact
I wish you’d left sooner, I wish you’d come back, will it never be safe, to trust or unpack?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
What do I do with the goddamn garden gate?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
What do I do with the goddamn garden gate?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
What do I do with the goddamn garden gate?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
If you come back will it be too late?
Will it ever be requited? Will it ever be my turn?
Everything knowing you quieted suddenly tries to return
Will it ever be re-quieted? What the hell am I supposed to learn?
Everything knowing you quieted, suddenly tries to return
There’s nothing more I can do, to make myself easy to choose
But know I can’t help but refuse, to make myself easy to lose
So I will leave you be
But I won’t close the door behind me
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11. |
know when to breathe
00:35
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Good. Um, I don't know why I played it a lot slower than I've been playing it. I think because I thought I was gonna play it too fast and when I slowed it down I miscalculated but it was kind of, kind of good. It's easier to know when to breathe. When I have more time. Okay, here we go. This is called Other Things.
And the piano's good, piano's plugged in. Okay.
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12. |
Other Things (Live)
03:22
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I reach a new point of burnout each day
Nowhere to put things that I wish to say
Ears will grow tired but I’m tired too
Can nothing, can no one pull me from the blue
Asking for help is supposed to be right
But I’m used to feeling alone in the fight
And sometimes I think that I only feel worse
When I lean, I lean too hard maybe that is my curse
The only ones I trust
Have other things they must
Attend to
And all the other fish
Their wills I never wish
To bend to
Well I seek professionals, I knock at their door
They tell me to do things that just lead to more
Of all of the things that I do far too much
Being aware of my breath, thinking feeling and such
I’m getting tired of all the same stuff
When will my brain agree I’ve had enough?
Feels like I’ve learned all my lessons, made all my confessions
Put all that I have into each of my sessions
The only ones I trust
Have other things they must
Attend to
And all the other fish
Their wills I never wish
To bend to
As I get lower, stakes get higher
I’m burnt out but still on fire
I feel guilty every time I start to drown
Time slows down, the world remains the same
I only have myself to blame
And I feel guilty when I bring you down
The only ones I trust
Have other things they must
Attend to
And all the other fish
Their wills I never wish
To bend to
The only ones I trust
Have other things they must
Attend to
(the only ones i trust have other things to do)
And all the other fish
Their wills I never wish
To bend to
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13. |
i don't make steaks
00:44
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Yay. Good. Got through it. Hooray. Moving on. This song is called Like a Leech. I nailed it earlier but I've been making, I've been - I make more steaks when I'm - make more - make more mistakes when I'm live. I don't make steaks, when I'm live or ever in fact. Never done it. I hope that I never will. Make a steak. Okay, here we go. I can't decide which octave. Can't decide. Here we go.
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14. |
Like a Leech (Live)
03:31
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I gave a little speech
About how I don’t ever wanna be a leech
And I asked if you think we’re like whales and barnacles
You said “yes I would say so"
So I will beseech you to stay
You can pick the day and what we say and what we play
I know this isn’t equal
But maybe there’s a sequel
Where in the story we will grow and I will learn to trust
That you mean it when you say you wanna be here, surely you must
Maybe wanting to give is enough of a gift
But is there a weight I can lift?
Maybe perfectly balanced mutualism is a myth
But there’s gotta be something I can help with
My therapist says I’m undervaluing myself yet again
I know she’s probably right, it doesn’t keep it from keeping me up at night
How you effortlessly cracked the code
You solved the maze, unlocked the door
But when you realized where you were
You didn’t wanna be there anymore
Maybe wanting to give is enough of a gift
But is there a weight I can lift?
Maybe perfectly balanced mutualism is a myth
But there’s gotta be something I can help with
Like a leech, I can’t shake the thought
Of wanting to be everything I’m terrified I’m not
How do oxpeckers know that the rhinos don’t want them to go?
And are they scared to know
On your way in, you blazed a trail that began to make the journey easier, times three or four
On your way out, you knocked over all the walls that aren’t enough
To keep me safe anymore
Now I’m wondering, will the next one find a way
To the haven that you left behind
Can I guide them over the rubble, or will there be no path to find?
Maybe wanting to give is enough of a gift
But is there a weight I can lift?
Maybe perfectly balanced mutualism is a myth
But there’s gotta be something I can help with
Like a leech, I can’t shake the thought
Of wanting to be everything I’m terrified I’m not
How do oxpeckers know that the rhinos don’t want them to go?
And are they scared to know
Maybe wanting to give is enough of a gift
But is there a weight I can lift?
Maybe perfectly balanced mutualism is a myth
But there’s gotta be something I can help with
Something that you want from me, something that you want from me)
Isn’t there anything? Isn’t there anything?
Like a leech, I can’t shake the thought
Of wanting to be everything I’m terrified I’m not
How do oxpeckers know that the rhinos don’t want them to go?
And are they scared to know
Go and are they, go and are they, go and are they scared to know
Go and are they, go and are they, go and are they scared to know
Maybe wanting to give is enough of a gift
But why did I wanna find a way to give you a gift
When the weight that you lifted wasn’t one you tried to lift
And the balance comes with effort, not with how you make me feel
So when you stopped trying, it stopped being real
Like a leech, I need blood, but I don’t suck
I only asked you for a drop, and you didn’t give a fuck
And the oxpeckers know they can stay
Because they’re never told to go
So at least now I know
I started writing this song back when I thought I was wrong
Only in bad dreams, did I see this coming
Only in bad dreams
So I’ll harvest all the lessons
But God, I could’ve sworn that I was wrong
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15. |
i think im actually good
00:20
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Yay, we did it. God.
Alright. No, actually I think - I think I'm actually good. Um.
I'm gonna play this one.
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16. |
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I’ll say goodbye to the gardens
And I’ll say goodbye to the streets
I’ll say goodbye to the shriek of the green line
And I’ll say goodbye to the sweets
I’ll say goodbye to 5 pm macchiatos
With no one to tell me it’ll mess with my sleep
I’ll say goodbye to the pieces I wish I could keep
I don’t matter to this city
But she matters to me
I still think these lights are pretty
But I've got somewhere else to be
Goodbye to Boston
I’m no longer lost in
The moments that made me feel new
The world moves on
Far faster than I seem to do
Goodbye to Boston
I’m no longer lost in
The crowds where I felt less alone
For two years, [this was the place I called home
From where I called home](24293923)
I’ll say goodbye to the memories I do have
And to the ones that I don’t
I kinda wish I could still get lost here
But I don’t think I can so I won’t
I’ll say goodbye to the ghost of a friendship
And the way that it made me feel free
I’ll say goodbye to the view from February 23
I don’t matter to this city
But she matters to me
I still think the lights are pretty
But I've got someone else to be
Goodbye to Boston
I’m no longer lost in
The moments that made me feel new
The world moves on
Far faster than I seem to do
Goodbye to Boston
I’m no longer lost in
The crowds where I felt less alone
For two years, this was the place I called home
From where I called home
Where I called home
Where I called home
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17. |
it's gonna go great
01:03
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Done. Hooray. Um... thank you for the compliments. Oh my gosh. Everybody's giving me compliments. That's so nice, you guys come to my livestream and you give me compliments? That's so nice. Um...thank you.
Um...what was I - there was something else in my head to say. Water.
This is called Stuck. This is the one that I'm gonna show you guys the music video for a little bit later. But I decided I want to sing through all of them live.
But I didn't practice this one because I decided that like about a couple hours ago, so I know it. I know how to play it. I've played it before. I wrote it. I know it. It'll be fine. But that's my disclaimer in case I mess up. Basically.
Also, I could do this one on the guitar but I'm gonna - no I'm gonna do it on keyboard. I'm gonna do it on the keyboard. It'll be fine. It's gonna go great.
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18. |
Stuck (Live)
02:58
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All the colors under the sun
Mix together until they are one
And the brightness is lost
The harder they merge, the higher the cost
Possibilities blocked by a frozen mind
The perfect next step is too hard to find
Always needed a reason to get out of bed
Maybe now it’s just habit, this battle in my head
I’m here again it seems
I fear I’m living in a dream
And I’m stuck (and I’m stuck, and I’m stuck)
And I’m stuck (and I’m stuck, and I’m stuck)
And I’m stuck
In a puddle with the colors all muddled
Upside down, blue green red brown
In a dream, in a dull color scheme
Lights fade, the game isn’t played
The day is delayed
And I presume
The boredom will consume
Me ‘til there’s nothing left
‘til there’s nothing left, ‘til there’s nothing left
You’ll ask is something wrong?
And I’ll say, “this day just feels extra long”
I’m here again it seems
I fear I’m living in a dream
And I’m stuck (and I’m stuck, and I’m stuck)
And I’m stuck (and I’m stuck, and I’m stuck)
And I’m stuck
I’m here again it seems
I fear I’m living in a dream
And I’m stuck (and I’m stuck, and I’m stuck)
And I’m stuck (and I’m stuck, and I’m stuck)
And I’m stuck
It’s just a cloud, and it’s smaller than me
I can be just as loud
And if I can’t pull the colors back out
I’ll take a step back and go around
Lying on the floor, I swear I’m trying, I’m not lying
Only had a little energy left, didn’t wanna lose it
But I spent it on convincing me to use it
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19. |
it doesn't matter
00:25
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Cloud and it's smaller than me...
No, I don't know. I'll figure it out later, I'm sorry.
Um...that's why you practice before. I practiced the rest of them. Not the - no. This was the other one I didn't practice very much. No - that's the other one. For the Rats I didn't practice very much. This one I did. It doesn't matter. Doesn't matter.
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20. |
Window Screen (Live)
02:00
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Read about attachment styles all afternoon
Now I’m looking at the moon from my bed
She’s a blurry little brightness, in a deep dark sky
Who neglects to swallow her up, but why?
Well maybe the sky’s been fed
Everything past arm’s length
Behind crossed lines of a window screen
That maybe I’ll kick loose one night
For a better view
Is quiet and tinted blue
With time and patience, I wonder if it’s skin that dulls a razor?
Or is it the hair, the air, the water?
Maybe I will move the question down my arms and into fingertips
And see if I can find
What’s on my mind
Instead I think about the good, the bad, the timing of it all
For the hundredth time, I hit a wall
Everything in my mind
Behind eyes that refuse to close
Is spinning and I’m far too tired
For the pace required
To make sense of me and you
The questions make my heart unwind
How not to cross lines that’re undefined
How to know when to monitor my clutch
Or withdraw my touch
When wanting anything feels like asking too much
Everybody tells me I’m gonna be just fine
Why do they get to know?
Every thing is fuzzy, every line
They say everybody sees the same moon
Maybe that’ll make more sense soon
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21. |
i wanna play them all
00:27
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Good. Good. This is For the Rats. And as I mentioned before, this is another one that I didn't practice. Cuz I was gonna show the For the Rats video, but then I was like, mm I kinda want to just say that I - I want to play them all and feel like I played them all. I'm gonna play this on ukulele.
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22. |
For the Rats (Live)
03:11
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Pretty simple
Behaviors make sense, questions have answers
And you can find them online
What do I look like through the pupils in your beady little eyes?
Pretty easy
To love you and care for you, look at your sweet tiny hands
What's a few scratches?
Oh I don't mind
What's going on in your head?
Eyes are watching, wheels are turning
What's going on in your head?
Trust is hard to build, we're learning
We'll take it step by step
First my hand and then my shoulder
No reason to rush, my friends
Every day a little bolder
Crawl in my clothes, I hope it's warm
You can hide from any storm
You are small, but I hope you know you matter
Most reliable friends of the year
You make what you desire clear
And I'm in love with the way you pitter patter
Pretty simple
The pros and the cons are easy to sort through
I won't be mad if you wake me up at dawn
I want the chance to watch you yawn
Pretty easy
And I will forgive the blood that you drew
In the first few months
'Cause I know I probably would've done it too
What's going on in your head?
Eyes are watching, wheels are turning
What's going on in your head?
Trust is hard to build, we're learning
We'll take it step by step
First my hand and then my shoulder
No reason to rush, my friends
Every day a little bolder
Lonely as hell, does that ring a bell
From the times I've talked out loud
I wonder if you'd pick me out from a crowd
Do you even know how much I'll miss you?
World Wide Web said probably not a good idea to kiss you
But let's make an exception for today
The last time we get to play
I wish I could explain how and why it's your last day
I hope it's been okay
You're gonna love your next home
I hear there's lots of love and more room to roam
Crawl in my clothes, I hope it's warm
You can hide from any storm
You are small, but I hope you know you matter
Most reliable friends of the year
You make what you desire clear
And I'm in love with the way you pitter patter
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23. |
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|
Yeah. Um, that one's also weird to play live because it's like in a key that is like, I either sing it and it's a little too low or I sing it it's a little too high. And instead of changing the key, I just sang both octaves. For most of it. And I can't do that live. I can't sing both. I can't sing the song in two octaves at the same time, I just can't do it. We only have two left. It's going fast.
Um, I want everyone to appreciate my makeup. This is my apples - apples to oranges makeup tutorial. One eye is red, the other eye is orange. It also gives you kind of like an aesthetic like you've been crying a little bit and that kind of feels on brand. Here. You see the colors? That's the colors. That's the colors and I curled my hair a little bit because it was bugging me and I wanted to do something different with it. So that's, you know,
that's what I'll say. This next one is called Apples to Oranges.
What do I do? Turn on. Why are you not? There we go.
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24. |
Apples to Oranges (Live)
02:50
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I grieve the connotations of your name
I remember when I realized that they’ll never be the same
I understand the difference in the way we frame events
That led to pain that I have yet to tame
But is it really broken
If it can break again
And if I could travel way back then
And if I had the chance to warn her
I’d hold back my tears
And I’d hold my tongue
I’d hold my tongue
I’d hold my tongue
And I wouldn’t say
It only ends in pain
No wisdom to be gained
You’ll never wanna try again
You’ll never wanna make another friend
So pick someone safer
Someone you like less
Darling, this’ll turn into a mess
You’ve always been a mess
Whatever we had went from
Apples to oranges, dust to dust
I’ll finish this chapter alone if I must
Apples to oranges, not much in between
I blinked and must’ve missed the transformation it seems
Apples to oranges, I don’t have regrets
I won’t believe that kind eyes are nothing but threats
Apples to oranges, I’m glad that I cared
Cuz now I know that heartbreak isn’t too much to bear
I grieve the connotations of your name
I remember when I realized that they’ll never be the same
I fight the thoughts that tell me I’m to blame
And I resist the urge to hope that you feel shame
Still I wish you had a better reason
I really could’ve used just one more season
You told me it’s normal, but I already know
I’ve spent my whole life watching how other people go
Do you remember saying, “not just willing happy”
Well I think I know exactly
When you stopped being willing
But when did you stop being happy?
When did this go from
Apples to oranges, dust to dust
I’ll finish this chapter alone if I must
Apples to oranges, not much in between
I blinked and must’ve missed the transformation it seems
(I miss the apples)
Apples to oranges, I don’t have regrets
(I miss the, I miss the kind eyes)
I won’t believe that kind eyes are nothing but threats
(I miss the apples)
Apples to oranges, I’m glad that I cared
Cuz now I know that heartbreak isn’t too much to bear
|
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25. |
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|
It's not sad if you don't think about it. Hooray!
Um, yeah. Like I wish I could pass them through the screen, like pass them around, man.
Um - is it not to much to bear? Is it? Is it? That's the question, that's the question, that's the question. Um, it's fine. It'll be fine. It's healing. Healing is non-linear and hard and, but it's good to feel feelings, question mark.
Yeah, just ponder. Just ponder, we'll ponder it for a minute.
A moment of silence, for the concept of sad. Sad. You know? Things, people are - people, people. What are they? I don't know.
Okay. This is the last song.
And then we're gonna watch the Stuck video and then I'm gonna ramble about things? I guess? I don't know. I already - I think I've already said my things. I'll show you the CD. You can get one too. If you want. You want one? How many? How many of you want one? God. I really like think I'm so funny and I also like don't know sometimes what's happening? It's good. It's good. I'm proud of myself for drinking more water than I usually drink today. It's very exciting.
Um...battery sufficiently charged. I plugged in a portable charger. I have to procrastinate so that - I don't know. So that the end is, um, the grand grand finale. The grand finale. Just have to check up on Twitter real quick. You guys understand. Oh, stop. Stop playing the video. I'm just kidding. I don't - I'm not actually going to look at look at that anymore. Sometimes you just need to - sometimes your brain just has an addiction to Twitter.
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26. |
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|
Sometimes it just happens, you know?
Okay. I'm not gonna do that sound with my mouth. I can't do it. I can't do it anyway while I'm singing so I'm going to stop, I'm gonna cut that out.
*starts singing*
Oh my goodness, oh my goodness. Now - I never - I never like, think about the tempo before I start playing. Like I think generally that's a good idea to do, to like think, "how fast does this go?" Cuz - I mean maybe that wasn't that off but I'm just not, I was not ready to start.
*starts playing*
I think I'm gonna play Tryouts again with the, with the fancy drum after this. And then we're gonna watch Stuck. And then we're gonna - then I'll show you the CD. And then we're gonna be done. It's exciting. And then my album comes out, at, tonight, in...four hours. Four...Is that right? I forgot. Eight o'clock, four hours, midnight. Exciting, exciting stuff. And then everyone can listen to it. Okay.
*starts singing*
I didn't think about the tempo again. Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. And now I'm just pretending to look like I'm thinking about the tempo.
How do I actually like, decide? Okay, you know, it's fine. It's fine. I'm not I'm not worried about it. It's gonna be fine.
*starts playing*
Nope - I - the problem is once I started thinking about it, I overthink it which is probably why I've learned to not think about it. You know? You know? Yeah, that's that.
*starts singing*
What? Um. I'm sorry. This is uh, really awesome - this is the grand finale.
*starts singing*
Why do I just stop playing sometimes? Do you know what I mean? My hands are just like - mmm, no, I don't know what's going on.
I'll get through it, it's fine. Okay. You all have to believe in me. You have to believe in me. It says two people left. Two people don't believe in me. And I don't appreciate it. Because it'll just be that much more rewarding. Thank you. Thank you. This is actually performance art. This is a performance, the whole thing, it's an act, irony, okay.
Re-center, re-center. Okay
*starts singing*
Why do I - what's going on with my pinky? Do you know my pinky actually does kind of get stuck sometimes. Stuck and I'm stuck and I'm stuck and I'm stuck...
All my fingers. But usually it trips me up with guitar and not piano. Okay, we're - we're ready. I'm ready. I could, I could um, you know...this is. Hmm I was gonna say this is a sign from the universe that I should take my mini keyboard back out and use that. Even though it's not really like tuned, but it doesn't really matter because all the notes in relationship to each other are fine, but like I don't want to get it out, is the problem.
But I just I gotta - I'll do a different octave. Because now I'm just, now I'm just cursed
*starts singing*
Now my computer's saying that it's gonna run out because I think I unplugged my charger on accident again I'm really sorry about this but I did pretty good, I did pretty good until the song I think. I can't remember but I'm pretty sure that I did pretty good. Okay now we're good. Now the piano's not turned on? Guys I'm really sorry, I'm really sorry about this.
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27. |
Aboveground (Live)
02:18
|
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|
I’m down, it’s cold and dark here
Hope has been swallowed by fear
It feels like I have lost
Against the thing I’ve fought forever
I guess I’ll just give in now
I’ll let it chew my skin, how
Am I supposed to remember
When I end up here it’s never
One-way, but someday, it might be
One-way, despite the evidence
That I’ve got roundtrip tickets, and I’ll end up back home
Even when I’m stranded in the dark, like it or not, I’m not alone
We have been here before, we know our way around
We’ll try to trust that we will find our way back aboveground
I've been crying all week long and
It’s messing up all my plans
It feels like I have lost
Against the thing I’ve fought forever
I guess it’s just a bad week
I’ll let it chew through my cheek
How am I supposed to remember
When I end up here it’s never
One-way, but someday, what if it’s
One-way, despite the evidence
That I’ve got roundtrip tickets, and I’ll end up back home
Even when I’m stranded in the dark, like it or not, I’m not alone
We have been here before, we know our way around
We’ll try to trust that we will find our way back aboveground
Oh well, I guess I’ve finally snapped ‘cause this feels irreversible
I wonder if my brain was crafted just to be submersible
Oh hell, I guess it’s always been this way, the past is blurry
What else to do besides write words that make my loved ones worry
Just understand that underground’s a place I sometimes go, even though
I won’t believe you if you tell me, I hope you know
That I’ve got roundtrip tickets, and I’ll end up back home
Even when I’m stranded in the dark, like it or not, I’m not alone
We have been here before, we know our way around
We’ll try to trust that we will find our way back aboveground
|
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28. |
stuck music video
00:29
|
|||
|
Not the best run through but that, that works. We did it.
That's the grand finale.
Sorry that was so loud. Geez louise. Sorry. Man. Okay this is a piece of paper that says "Stuck music video"
|
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29. |
goodbye
01:04
|
|||
|
Yeah, whatever. Bye. I don't know.
I don't know. Oh my god, I keep unplugging this cord with my feet. It's okay. It happens, that kind of thing happens.
Um...I'll just - I don't know why I'm not, why I'm not ending. Bye! I'm clicking. Are you ready? Are you ready? Wait, look. Merch. Merch, merch merch. Get a mug, get a T-Shirt, get a button, get a notebook.
I got a "Nothing is Required" notebook and I'm really excited for it to arrive. Because I'm going to use it for my to-do lists and it's just iconic. That's...That's it. Enjoy the album. Have a good day and goodbye. Goodbye. Goodbye! Goodbye! End stream. Where's my - where's my cursor. End stream. See you tomorrow. Bye. Bye. Bye. End stream. Doing it for real.
|
||||
Mia Stegner Colorado
Thank you for being here. :)
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