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Re​-​Quieted (Live)

from Apples to Oranges, Dust to Dust (Live) by Mia Stegner

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lyrics

Conflicting goals and desires
I wanna start fires, but I only feel ice
Will it only be me who pays a price
If you decide that you regret being nice?

Please don’t let me end each conversation
With "I’d better let you go" (I'd better let you go)
Was I wrong to work so hard to brush it off
Each time you told me no? (You told me no)
I work to maintain, I minimize pain, I wanna be easy to choose
It wasn’t a game, but somehow I trusted you not to let me lose
'Cause I told you “please tell me if I ever push"
You promised, you said you didn’t want me to shush
You’ve clearly forgotten if you thought I’d take a hint
All the best and worst parts of my year carry your fingerprints

Conflicting goals and desires
I wanna start fires, but I only feel ice
Will it only be me who pays a price
If you decide that you regret being nice?

When you left me there to tend a tiny thing we planted side by side
I wished my thumb was green, it never was, and you knew that it was not
So I wish you’d told me sooner that you wanted me to let it die
Instead of slinking out of earshot, and thinking out of earshot
I overindulge, I overreact, I overthink everything, over-redact
I wish you’d left sooner, I wish you’d come back, will it never be safe, to trust or unpack?

When do I try again? How long do I wait?
What do I do with the goddamn garden gate?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
What do I do with the goddamn garden gate?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
What do I do with the goddamn garden gate?
When do I try again? How long do I wait?
If you come back will it be too late?

Will it ever be requited? Will it ever be my turn?
Everything knowing you quieted suddenly tries to return
Will it ever be re-quieted? What the hell am I supposed to learn?
Everything knowing you quieted, suddenly tries to return
There’s nothing more I can do, to make myself easy to choose
But know I can’t help but refuse, to make myself easy to lose

So I will leave you be
But I won’t close the door behind me

credits

from Apples to Oranges, Dust to Dust (Live), released November 23, 2021

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